When will things get better?

Break me, mold me into the daughter You have called me to be. I’m scared, but I hold onto your truth that You, whom I can call 아빠, love me just the way I am.
I’m set free of this guilt and shame. I am covered with your love / peace. Once again, I fail to realize that that You are in control of my every being. Thank you for providing the sisters / brothers who have encouraged / strengthened me beyond words.

….thank you for loving me just the way I am :)

In the end, you only regret the things you never tried.

Your love never fails, ever.

"I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails…”

How loved am I that even after the bajillionth time I mess up, He still longs to call me his daughter. I am overwhelmed by the grace God has been showing me the past couple days that I can’t but thank and love God for his unconditional love He has shown me first. I pray that each and everyday I respond to this type of love. How sweet and comforting is Gods love.

Basically I’m finding more ways to procrastinate on this APES lab but I thought I just jot some points down. hehe

In Anthro, the topic of Religion comes up so often that I kinda reflect on the discussion after school… weird right? Is it bad that I can’t but smirk at some of the points my teacher makes how Christianity is based on your good works and if you don’t do these practices that you are comdemned and such… I don’t really know how to respond to these statements, and it just breaks my heart knowing that these people think this is what Christianity is about. The ‘Practice, get saved.’ attitude. It’s like every time I hear these statements/debates, Ephesians 2 jumps out…

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

I am once again reminded again how faithful God is to me even during the times where I feel like an ultmate failure. I am so wrapped up trying to please God, my parents, friends, etc… that I forget that God has already accepted the ugly, most sinful part of me. I am so loved by God, and that’s all I need. The ultimate comforter. how sweeeeet. :)

These anxiety’s coming back.
Honestly praying that I would trust in Him with all things.

But these fears, worries, anxieties are really getting to me. Hdjsixhwhs

I really don’t know what to do.

Peace

You have lost such respect from me especially the fact you handle situations like 5 year olds…. And not even, I witness elementary schoolers agree more thoughtfully then what I just witnessed.

I never in my life thought that I would be disappointed in you guys. As I try and learn to realize you guys are sinners too, I am just utterly disappointed because I t h o u g h t that you guys would be more “mature” and “wiser” you guys would understand that everyone has flaws.

And to think that you are showing two different sides of your personalities to protect yourself is contradicting everything.

How old are you again? I can literally go on for hours about how in this case your actions spoke louder than words, but more than that I pray for peace within this situation, changing/maturing in your relationship with God, and for God’s love to be evident in ALL parts of your life.

Times like these where I’m just plain out frustrated, disappointed, and shocked, it’s hard to understand how I can still love them. But that’s where this radical, scandalous, unconditional type of love that God overwhelmingly pours over you and I to show how precious we are in His eyes… despite the fact that we both had,have , sinned against God.

Like totally contradiction how I’m both frustrated and at peace. At first frustrated at the situation but also at peace that my circumstance doesn’t haven’t change for me to say God is good in all aspects.

Faithfulness.

It’s these types of nights where I get realize more and more how good God is.
And that phrase “God is good all the time, all the time God is good” really emphasizes ‘all the time’. It’s not dependent on my circumstances but even during my darkest moments He is good.
How could I not love a God who is faithful to the very end? It’s the unconditional type of love that reminds me that I am deeply loved by you.

It literally amazes me how comforting your word is. It is this sense of comfort I can’t explain. In times like these I am reminded of your love, not the uber emotional I love you, but the one where You call me your beloved. And for that, I will always be thankful for your love. I pray that I would be reminded of this intimacy with you everyday.
You are the ultimate comforter and lover.

It’s actually sad to think that a year ago everything was completely different. Oh how things change so fast yet 365+ days sounds so long.
I can’t see the good or the better You have planned for me. I fail to see what good comes out of this bitter heart… but I will hold onto your sweet loving arms. I will remind myself of the truth.